Privilege, Gratitude & Seeking

This isn’t exactly about my travels, but I wanted to share anyway because it seems important to mention the privilege of it all. And I do think about my privilege constantly. I keep asking myself, who am I to do this? Who am I to spend my days simply wandering and thinking in Italy when so many people are suffering and hurting right now? When I get still, I keep hearing the same answer rise within me, ‘then don’t waste this, lean into this experience as much as possible.’ This voice also tells me to carry gratitude in every heartbeat, even during the moments when I miss Azure, even when my limbs swell and my clothes itch in the muggy evenings. It says to lean into all of it with gratitude, the newness, the pleasures, and discomforts, and make something of it.

Then, an equally imposing question presents itself, what exactly am I supposed to make? I don’t know, and I’m scared I’m not up to the task, but I do know I need to try. And I’m not exactly sure why I couldn’t do this in Vegas, this… seeking and making. Perhaps a wiser and kinder part of me knows I would have kept making excuses to put it off in Vegas- more home improvements, new employment, more staying busy but spinning in circles. Here in Pavia, I am surrounded by newness and because all this unfamiliarity requires me to slow down, I can also hear myself with a little more clarity than I could in Vegas. So, I ask myself questions like, what do you want? What do you need? Truly? What is it you traveled 6,000 miles to find? A new career? Your self? God? Pasta? Friend, the only thing I know is that I don’t know yet, but when I do figure it out, I’ll make sure to fill you in.

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FAQs - Part II